The second shot: Into the abyss

I'm sitting straight up.
Very consiounce.
I see the Shaman in front of me.
He is there but not really "there". I understand that it is because he hadn't drank the Medicine. He is an outsider.
I again take the mixed potion in both hand.
I wait...

As I pour it down I feel a resistance...I force it down.
I'm a man dammit!

Instantly! BANG! Full catapult into the higher realm.
This trip connects me with every single member in the room.
I get hit in the stomach so many times, I lost count of my pukes.
At the second puke I realize I'm puking 'for someone else'.
I figured out they, the other members, where not doing their own work. They were spreading aggressively their shit around and apparently I had volunteered to clean up the mess.
Yeah, I'm a hero. Sacrificing myself. I'm a good boy.
Meanwhile, I'm hurting like hell.
Feeling an attack. Analyze it and giving out loud instructions to the owner of that pain.
Telling them: "release it", "it's not yours",  "you are valuable", "you do matter", "you are good" until they would finally release it by puking, spitting, crying or laughing.
After every release, a psoas-shaking would start as a sort of reloading of energy.
"Liars, liars..." I whispered. "All little dirty secret liars..."
Then, repeat!

This went on and on...

Then I saw the participant with the most experience get up and casually walk outside.
"Coward!" I yelled. "Leaving us alone to handle this".
This made me so ANGRY that both Shamans had to come to calm me down with smoke and water. There I realized none of those two where "there" and I knew the 3rd Shaman was also not "there". So suddenly it dawned upon me that we (Anna and I) where alone in this mess.

I look at her.
She looks like she is struggling but doesn't move her body. Just her head and eyes. Something is going on damned. I feel I need to connect with her.
I need fresh air!
So I get up to go outside and the Shaman comes to help me.