While prepping our dinner I feel this deep longing.
For a smoke.
I guess I felt it all along but now I crave for it.
Prepped a hookah and tea.
Sat down and really relaxed.
The Silver Haze comes in much faster and much softer than before.
Everything relaxes in a matter of minutes.
I feel my head floating and I look "upwards".
"We (the Haze and I) are here to be as close as possible to You, Mother." - I contemplated.
Immediately I'm grabbed by the neck and the bright light energy from my groin rushesssssss up to my head and out of my eyes, pulling me up, up, up....almost in her presence.
Not fully.
We are still thankful.
The psoas tremors kick in.
No fear. I notice the tremors stop when I relax my mind in acceptance but the kick back in when I go into the feeling in my painful hip.
I get aware of the energy in my testicles.
It builds up and shoots thru my body upwards straight into the back of my eyes.
I see a vale of little dots and cones. The vale waves around and forms a ball. I'm inside my own left eye. I see the internal structure and mechanism of how the electrical signals are transfered into the blind spot, piercing thru the eyes' back and on it's way to the brain.
I remember crossing three membranes, each would change the electrical signal from pulses to stream to smoke until I reach the back of my brain with a series of horizontal lines of light.
These lines converged into a big flash over my whole brain and lead me back towards my eye.
This time I reach the muscles of my eye.
I can see they're dark, thin, fragile.
I look at them with Love.
I try to tend them with caresses. No.
With water. No.
With air? No!
With warmth?? No!!
Earth??? Aaahhh...Yeah!! the muscle says.
So I hold some earth against it. Immediately the muscle starts extracting elements from the soil and start regenerating.
I feel instant relaxation in my eyes and forehead.
Suddenly, I see a "play" in child-like drawings of a woman.
She lays in bed surrounded by dark energy/entity/thingies stimulating her sexually in every way imaginable.
She enjoys it.
She's ashamed of it.
I don't wait, I immediately approach her and get her to sit up straight to talk to me.
I look her in her eyes, touch her face and ask her.
"Who's shame is this?"
She looks away.
"Is it truly yours?" I continue.
She looks at me. Her eyes wide open and says "No" with a deep relief.
"No!" she continues. Convinced this time.
She takes a look to the bed, tries to go back but then she turns to me and smiles.
"I'm the light" she says while she sparks up like a little flame.
"How cute." -I think and suddenly she bursts into the most intense bright light lighting up the whole room thru my eyes.
This is where my tremors stop.
My quads fill up with the strong energy. It tights up my muscles without cramping them.
This feels like heaven.
AHO <3
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