Here is what I'm waisting my brain capacity on... #insight

We all know the Smurfs, right?

The smurfs are being chased by this evil black sorcerer called Gargamel and his cat Asrael.
He is a caricature of a Jew with a typical big nose.
He tries to get rich by using magic to turn the smurfs into gold.
The names end with "el" which refers to the Holy (Jewish) scriptures.

"Why does he need the smurfs?" You would wonder.
Well, they are blue. They refer to the Jinns, having superior powers.
Just like the Genie in Alladin -also blue- and Superman's main color of outfit.

Now, here comes the insight:
The creator's artist name is Peyo.
Today I saw a picture on my FB timeline of a traditional Jew with long hair locks at the ears.
I looked up why they wear their hair like this and it turns out they call it
<drum roll>
"pejo't"
<tum tum tummm>

Behold, Mother Ayahuasca. #insight

The Princess in the Tower.

I stumble out of the toilet.
Into the hall way.
I wrap my blanket around me and settle on the floor between the door to the ceremony room and the staircase.
This is my spot now.
Mo insists to get inside.
I growl.
Anna comes to check on me.
I refuse to follow her inside.
She brings pillows and blankets.
I command her to get in the room.
I will hold guard here.
Nothing will pass.
Nothing will enter the room. You all will be safe.

The pain in my head is killing me.
I fall on my knees, put my head on the floor and command 'it' to show itself and to leave me!
What follows is the rawest, roughest puking session I've ever gone through.
I knew I'd pay for that ego trip.

I go to my mattress.
Fall asleep.

The headache.

Suddenly I wake up.
Anna is in my arms.
A grab my head.
In agony.
The pain is excruciating.
She tries to sooth me.
I sit up.
"What good am I"?
I look into the fire. That's all I can do.
All night long.
While everybody sleeps and rests. I experience the night.
I see the stars. I know the stars. I know the fire. I keep the fire alive.
The fire is technology.
I handle and master the technology. Hence my carrier as a programmer. #Insight.

The pain make me wine like a dog in pain. Like the wolf to the moon.
I walk to the toilet.
It's bright in there.
I look at the floor. Don't like that.
I look up. See the bright lamp. Technology, I realize.
I howl to the light.
Like howling to the moon.
The moon is technology.
The moon is artificial! #Insight.

My head...

The Caveman.

I notice M is a lefty.
I tell her how I always envied lefties for being very creative and in touch with their right brain.
Anna's theory is that people with blood type AB are more likely to be lefties.
M doesn't know her blood type.
E-J sits up and mentions he is AB and a lefty!
We crack up!

I rant: What good am I?
Blood type O.
Caveman, carnivore.
All I can do is stare at the fire.

We laugh.
Meanwhile we are served soup and sandwiches.
I take double portions, knowing I shouldn't.
At this point, I feel invincible.

I try to get some rest.

The Second Shot.

At this point, the time has come for seconds.
I gather all my courage and look into the thick brown chuncky mud in the glass.

I push it down my system.
Disgusting.

The Tribe's Chief-Guard-Healer.

I get up again, cross my arms and hold the blanket firmly around my body.
I oversee all the participants.
One by one.
Feel them.
Allow their journey.

Bas and Mo grab the djembe and I take my oud.
We play a couple of songs now that I am somewhat clear.
Three songs.
Enough.
I'm tired.
Back to bed.

Beating the Beast into submission, in vain.

I stare from the edge of the room to T across the room.
I connect to her again.
My knees start shaking.
The insist I should get up.
So I do.
I have a blanket wrapped over my shoulders.
I shiver.
I look at the floor.
The candles look so far away.
I move my right foot over a line on the floor.
Then the left one.
One by one.
Till the edge of the cloth.
I feel the urge to kneel down.
Left knee first.
Then the right.
I put my forehead on the cloth in front of the flame.
I can see the flame burning through my skull.
The Beast feels a peace inside.
Calms down.
For a moment.
Until I realize I'm being held hostage.
By the flame.
Why should I submit to a fucking flame?
I hate the flame. It is disgusting!
I get up growling and I step back to the edge of the room.

The peacock cloth.

I'm on the mattress.
I look out to see Anna.
She's not in the room.
I look again.
I understand she's in the bathroom.
She's struggling.

I feel I have to get up and gather myself to sit at the circle.
I don't really want to.
The round cloth is wrinkled.
I try to stretch it.
"My mom would do that" I say.
This reminds me of Anna's technique for handling her pattern and healing.
It doesn't work.
It keeps wrinkling.
I get upset and demand her to join me at the circle.
She doesn't show up.
I decide the cloth has the right to be wrinkled.
I play with the cloth.
I feel the light of the candles are watching me.
Judging me.
I get up and move away from the circle to sit against the wall.

The Beast lives...

...and hates bird sounds.
Hates light.
Wants to sleep while it shines.
It even hates darkness. Darkness wakes him up.
Disorientates him. Confuses him.
The Beast hates change.

I puke!
I hit the floor and growl.
I feel like a conqueror.
On the top of the mountain.
Pure ego tripping.

I know this will back-draft on me but I ignore it.
Celebration!

The Beauty and the Beast.

The growling continues.
I only communicate using deep sounds with everybody.
Outloud.

I roll of my mattress.
I don't want this prison.
I move around, walk to the bathroom, come back and decide to sit down next to the mattress.
Anna approaches me.
I hug her and we lay down on the floor against the wall.
Bas picks up a blanket and holds it up.
I see him and explicitly give him permission to approach us and cover us.

Later I insist Anna to move on the mattress.
I remain on the floor.
Guarding her.

Well hello there.

As I push my face in the mattress, I perceive the image of myself.
Looking at me.
As through a mirror.
Gazing at me.
Pointing at me.

I feel like a freak.
An animal.
A beast...

I growl.

Personal structure

We join Bas and Mo again.
This time his lovely wife is present to help us.

We sit around a round table cloth with a peacock's tail pattern print.

The participants:
First-timer E-J, struggling with a violent childhood and devastating diseases running in his family.
First-time sisters T and N from Ireland, struggling with T's spine problems.
My Anna
and yours truly.

We state our intend out loud.
"Insight, in and out." I say.

We take our shot.
E-J's trip kicks in in about 3 minutes.
Hard.
I see him throw up and even congratulate him.
I am still clear headed.

10 minutes in, my personal pattern shows up.
A dark spinning tunnel with a violet purple pink black whirl.

I see the Pyramids.
I see the story lines of possibilities in this existence converging to one Source in the form of a Triangle in the sky; It doesn't matter what story you represent. You can't escape this 'reality'.
This makes me throw up.

I'm satisfied and even proud because I am aware I'm moving in the right direction.
I start making a growling sound.
Coming from my belly.
It soothes me.
I realize my mattress is like a cage, protecting myself and the rest of the participants.
As I am kneeled at the edge of the mattress, facing the wall, having my back to the center, I feel myself connecting to T. intuitively I start marking my territory by running my hands around the edges of my mattress. I push away anything that is crossing the line: pillows, blankets, Anna's hand...
Nothing is allowed in!
I run my hands towards my feet behind me I feel my spine been stretched. Immediately all of my painful points shoot up. Cramps in the left foot, pain in the lower back, pain in my right shoulder.
I stop for a moment, regroup and continue 'closing' my cage.

I smack my face on the mattress, exhausted.

"Scientific thinking"

...creates and allows exceptions?

remarkable....

We are into this now...

The Sacret Voyage

Remember, She said.

Remember who you are.
Remember we were just playing.
I provided the doll.
You would take care of the program.
You have been gone for so long...inside that program.
Fixing it.
Developing it.
Look! That's the Universe we're creating by playing.