At His strongest moment God created and...

...He was alone.

Perception

Facing fears.

I'm still at home.
Un-sickening...
Sitting on the floor.
Watching inside.
Watching some clips on youtube.
And back to the inside.

About an hour ago I see the setting sun beaming through the living room window.
Incenses are burning.
I look outside and I have the urge to open the window.
To feel the shine on my face.
At the same time I feel a deep fear.
A judgement.
What if someone sees me?
What if I get mocked?
What if I mock myself?
I see...

I open the curtains.
I open the window and...just sit down.
Such an emotional roller coaster.
Just from sitting there.

(picture taken after all these insights)

I think I finally did it. I just went crazy!

I present you an image from 'outer space' of the entrance to hell.
Slap my ass and call me Sally if this doesn't look like a blue eye.

From 'watching' to 'eyes'

Last weekend I remember getting up and realizing I was no longer in pain.
Not a single part of my body hurt!
No painkillers.
No SSH.

I was scanning my body with my mind, in disbelief.
I felt I could take on everything!
We had planned a lot of activities with the kids.
Dancing on Friday.
Dancing on Saturday...

But...
Friday around noon I received a message from N.
She was back in Amsterdam for another ceremony.
I got so engaged and excited, I WANTED TO BE THERE!
This was the point where I believe I left my body just for a brief moment.
I had to rationalize my spirit back into the "here and now".
You know: work, plans with kids, appointment at my mom's place, dancing with my love....

So Friday my daughter mentions she has some kind of eye infection going on.  Of course we try to help her.

Saturday morning I ask N how her trip was. (See, I was still there) and she replied...

This blue eye theme would appear all weekend long.
By 11pm we had enough of dancing in Vlissingen and decided to head home.

On our way back we see this remarkable drawing on a building.

So, we stop and get out for a selfie :D
I mentioned to Anna it reminded me of N's ceremony.

Sunday came along and...the first symptoms of a cold appeared.
By 6pm I was crawling on the floor in agony, pain and discomfort.
Just like I did during my Ayahuasca sessions.
The resemblance comforts me.
Anna guides me. <3
I have never been 'guided' through an illness in this way.
So today, Monday, we took the day off.

N is also doing fine.
She sent me this.

In the Balkans, the blue eye is an omen of troubles and a talisman for luck.

I think my Guru is watching me...

This post "What does it Matter?" is not even cold yet and now I get a notification from Teal's blog.

I just kept squeezing the air out of my lungs until this showed up.

What does it Matter?

Space!

You probably imagine a black void.
Maybe some stars and an occasional planet floating around...oh, and a comet. With a white tail.
Right?

Naseem Harramein has claimed that 'space' is not void.
It's 'full'.
Space is infinite and contains everything.
Just like the Mother.
But we call the tiny little bits of things 'matter'. Derived from mother.
While what we call 'matter' is made up of mostly...nothing.
It should have been called 'anti-matter' or 'patter'. The male energy.
The penetrating and dividing energy.
The Lucifer experiment.
But instead, we made that Male energy into GOD.

Because all we are is patterns anyway.
Patterns of emptiness, feeling lonely and disconnected from the Mother, the matter, desperately trying to connect with tricks like breathing in deeply as much Prana as possible.

Have you seen my pattern? ;)

I wonder what they have been drinking....

Lonely-Alone-Alien-Alienation-Connection-Unity

Crack up the hookah and some SSH.

I get hit hard and I'am thrown back to my 6 years old self.
Feeling left behind by my parents at my mean grandmom's place some where on a mountain in central Greece.
I remember watching how the car drove away.
I ran to catch up.
But my legs fail me.
Rejected. Feeling useless and homeless, wandering the streets till late.
Not wanting to go 'home'. All that awaits is a boring old mean woman.

Suddenly I feel my right side going numb. It has the image of a static TV screen.
That's when I remember the punishment I got for being late.
A slapping on my right side. With nettles. So it would sting.
It still stings.

I remember steeling money from my Dad's new girlfriend.
Just for the kick of it.
The excitement makes my body shake so violent I hear my spine crack into place.
I got punished for that.
With an epic slap.

Feeling lonely....again. Still...

I hear this loud singing voice in my head.
It's so loud it presses against my skull on the inside.
After a while I convince the voice to just stop.
. . . s t a t i c . . .
In that field of static electricity I recognize the face of a typical grey alien. Like in the movies.
But now I understand the big black eyes.
Those are eyes of loneliness.
Alone.
Alien.
Aliennation.
Which shoots me to the memory of some Secret Service lady who claimed that the 'final deception' for humanity would be the existence of an Alien nation.
This would unite humanity under a New World Order.

Divide to unite.

PS: Boom! found it!

Serendipity

I remember leaving the last ceremony in Amsterdam.
Sitting in my car, hold the steering wheel while Anna is sharing her story.
I can't shake the idea of me participating as a guide in the ceremony.
It would feel so grateful to be able to help.
The sheer amount of experience you get to co-experience is astonishing!
I let the feeling be.

Later, I see a post on FB where Bas introduces a low cost ceremony.
"I would help them out. For free." I thought.
Again, I let it be...

Meanwhile, 11 days after the ceremony, I'm sitting at home having the first SSH in weeks so it goes pretty intense and at a moment of clarity I receive a message.
From Bas.
Stating: "I just initiated you as a Sjamaan."

You. Just. Can't. Make. This. Stuff. Up!