Don't ask for healing.

Rather, pray for your inner pain to be revealed to you.

<3

Smoke DMT they said...

...it will be fun they said.

Boy were they right! :D :D :D

First hit was light and a bit of a burning sensation because the filter came loose.
But.
The second hit, after inhaling slow and deep, holding it as long as possible, sent me straight to DMT land.

I underwent exactly what McKenna described: "Death by astonishment!"
I completely froze holding the pipe in both hands.
I opened my eyes and saw everything in 2D.
That's when I placed my hands on my face and I saw my two arms and torso form a whirlpool of bright red gold colors, merging and re-emerging bringing me joy and even, in a split of a second, deep grief.
All I could say was "Thank you!" and everything erupted in a bright orange flood of pure Love.

That's when I had to put my head on a pillow.
This submerged me into a crystal bubble, disconnecting all outside impulses from my emotions.
Nothing could touch me.
I could hear voices and feel the touches on my skin but nothing came thru the bubble.
My emotions were safe.
Meanwhile, I got to see what I can only describe as "the veil of Love".
Waving over me like in the softest summer breeze.
Blue and light green gray colored.
With the outlines of an elephant, a monkey and a lion.
And elements of sacred geometry.
Total bliss.

Seconds later I find myself traveling back to this reality.
Passing all the stages I usually pass with Ayahuasca but instead of hours, this takes seconds.
Emotions kick back in: Fear, Love, Anger, Sadness, Joy...
I rush through the state of the Beast; For a moment I thought I might get stuck in that state but.
Seconds later I'm at the table, telling exactly this story to my cosmic family.

<3

Ayahuasca #10

...but who's counting...

We started with a very nice simple breathing meditation, powerfully guided by Bas.
This awareness of my breath helped me a lot in this ceremony.

I decided on my intention just before the potions were served.
I would focus on the plants.
Not on me or my problems...
"Commit to understand, feel and appreciate the plants so I can respect them on a deeper level;"
And down goes the MAOI and the DMT.
Horrible taste.
It's been 3 months since my last drink so this hurts and I break down in tears immediately.

Kept my focus on the breath and the will to examine the plants.
Apparently, this is much appreciated by the spirits.
As long as I was communicating with the plants inside me, I got rewarded with a feeling of unity, love and beautiful red and gold patterns.
The moment I let myself be distracted, the dizziness and nausea would kick in, indicating me to re-focus!
So I did, over and over again, in great frustration of Bas and Mo.
Their drumming didn't stir the beast inside me. :) :) :) Sorry guys!

I kept this jungle poison inside me for 2 whole ours until the question for the second potion came up.
I gathered my ego and flushed it down my throat in a hideous way...the purging was immediate and violent.

After one hour, I asked for another round.
This shot made me playful as if the plant allowed me to have some fun.
So I started playing with my mediation pillow. Holding it up in the air with my feet.
That's when the biggest reward was received: My spine cracked into place and relieved me from a stubborn pain. My hip bones also popped into place reducing friction and pain.

Such. A. Relief.

Extra thanks to Bas, Mo and Patrick especially for using the Agua di Florida on my most difficult moments.

The way the non-material embraces us.

Universes form in pairs.
So is ours.
The non-material side can see us.
We cant see them.
The difference is the concept of time.

On the non-material side they have perfect knowledge,
but no opportunity to act upon it because of the lack of time.
On the material side we have imperfect knowledge but complete power to take action.

So, the non-material side can only perform a minor act or communicate a single image.
Like clues.
Only if you pay attention you will see it.

Hence, creating a crop circle in a matter of seconds.

Crop circle refers us to 3 thru 9 to 6 thru 9 to 3

This crop design

is obviously pointing at the Rodin sequence explained here: Marko Rodin and the Vortex

Focus on the center.
Look "in 3D"
You see the vortex or "the coil"

Crop circles are the Instagram version of the pyramids.

Somewhere I picked up the idea that pyramids all over the world seem to have appeared out of thin air and instantly materialized as a whole.
Crop circles appear in the same way.

What if the pyramids are the old way of communicating?
Information meant to be saved 'forever'.
Seen by everyone.
But human nature got used and thus bored with them.

Now, the crop circles appear.
They contain the same higher dimensional sacred knowledge, just like the megaliths.
They are formed in fields without damaging the crops.
This allows the formations to disappear in a matter of days.
Thus triggering our modern human curiosity for volatile information.

Just like all social media do.

I got this insight after watching this video of Dr Horace Drew.
Decoding UFOs and Crop Circles 2017

Dream: Crossing the muddy river.

I stand at the edge of a wide muddy river.
With a toddler. He is floating on the water, unaware of any danger.
I need to cross that river.
Without being killed by the aligator.
Without losing the kid to the aligator.
I look at the water, trying to see the beast.
I can sense my legs going numb of fear.

Should I try and kill the animal? No, I'm not strong enough.
Should I out swim it? With the little boy? Not a chance.
Should I sacrifice myself? Then the kid will also be killed.
Sacrifice the kid?? Don't even mention it!

Only one thing remains: study the animal.
Respect the animal.
Move without disturbing it.
As I realise this, I feel the numbness disolve.
Liberating!

<3

Ayahuasca and alcohol.

Just. Don't. Mix them.
Anyway, this article is not about that.

I got this insight were I saw the parralels between Aya and alcohol (beer).
Both are:
- Bitter
- Poison
- Hit your liver where a lot of trauma is stored.
- Both make you purge.
- Both knock you out.

Under inflence of Aya you can be guided to focus on your pains for acceptance and thus release thru purging.

Now imagine, being waterboarded with bitter beer until you almost pass out.
You are sick.
Helpless.
You vommit your guts out and you literally shit your pants while a priest commands you to repent.
To accept the Light.
To beg the Lord for Mercy.

This sounds violent but the key is that it is voluntarily.
You survive.
You rise a Warrior.
A Knight.
A True Christian.

<3

How Ayahuasca talks to me.

We just rounded up our 8th ceremony.
A lot of agony and deep pain is transformed and I thank the Plants for their help and wisdom.

We arrive at home and after a shower and lunch we spontaneous start preparing our little garden.
We pluck the long grasses with our bare hands.
We throw all the ripped grass and weeds on a pile in the corner while we evaluate which plant to keep and which to remove.
Mindless.
Brutal.
Meanwhile the grass is screaming for help by the well known cutten-grass-smell.
We don't pay attention to it.
We observe a small tree at the edge of the garden.
"What is this?" I ask myself and out of habit I squeeze a leaf between my thumb and index finger to extract a fragrance...
Without any fear I place my nose right on my fingers and take the deepest sniff you can imagine.
What follows is pure horror!
The smell of MAOI rushes through my body and settles right in my still fragile stomach.
It's a miracle I didn't trow up everything I ate.
Instinctively I apologize to the little Warrior in my garden.

Never ever before has a plant communicated with me in such a clear and assertive way.

I felt like a stupid cave man.
Doing harm  to this fragile environment.

The only thing I could do to continue the work was to promise the plants that one day I will sacrifise myself to them.

Weird as f*ck.
Right?
<3

The Old Woman and the Little Boy

I drink.
I'm disgusted at myself for putting this poison in my body, again.
Shivers.
Cold.
Nausea.

The purple spiral appears.
It spins fast and beautiful.
Leads me up and up and straight to the face of the Old Lady.
She obviously looks for attention, recognition, love.
I don't feel hostility.
I hold her in my arms.
Promissing her I'll be here. Forever, if nessecary.
She gives in and relaxes.
I notice myself as a 6year-old child.
Observing with envy ,demanding my attention.

How can I be with each of them at the same time?
That's were the insight kick in.
I merge them.
They float into each other.
They transform into a young woman.
And then, into light.
They disolve.

I feel relieved.
<3