Microdosing MAOI: day 1

Yesterday, I drove all the way to Amsterdam just to get 0.5l of MAOI.
And ofcourse to see and chat with my friend Bas.

I felt like I needed to experience the MAOI and just the MAOI.
I have associated this thee with pure disgust and horror.
I would like to get over that fear.

I can't seem to do it by attending to the ceremonies.
I need more time.
Also, I'd like to drink it just before going to sleep so my own DMT would get a chance to manifest to me.

So, Bas hands me over the little bottle filled with brown smudge and I instantly start gagging.
That's how much I L O V E this stuff.

So I had my last meal around 3pm and around 9pm I set myself up for a little trip.
Dimmed the lights, lit a candle and stated my intention to make space for my own DMT and dreams.
Pouring about 15ml of MOAI in a little glass and smelling the foul stench got me gagging all over again.

I held the glass close to me.
Tried over and over again to smell it.
To accept it.
I started distinguishing the smell of chocolate which gave me courage to continue.
After 30 minutes of negotiating and protesting I pour the little drink in my mouth and swallow it.
Pure horror.
I'm in tears, but it gets better.
After about 30min I feel tired and lay down.
That's when the first visual appears: A gray-green alien, just like in the movies, is watching me.
This quickly make place for a playful scene where kids and a black dog are playing.
I feel fear.
Lonelyness.
I fall asleep.

This morning, right before breakfast, I take a sniff of the bottle with MAOI.
My stomach turns upside down.
The expression "I hate your guts." flashes through my mind.
"I hate MY guts."
That's what I have learned to do a child when it comes to treating myself.
I HATE MY OWN GUTS!