We arrive at Zwanenburg for a 3 day Ayahuasca ceremony.
It has been exactly 2 years since we started this journey.
Although I am well prepared, the first drink is hard.
I break down as soon as I swallow the MAOI.
This is not looking good, I thought.
After the DMT I start feeling nausious and my belly starts acheing.
This continues for hours. I shake, I twist and turn on my matress but nothing gets released.
No purging.
As I allow myself to be lead by the music, I get to see how the end of a song contains the beginning of the next song. In a cyclic wave motion.
I'm waitning for the spirits to arrive but nothing comes.
I feel lonely.
On the second night everything starts off pretty much the same.
Tears at the first sip.
Pain in the belly.
And then I realise I might have chased The Mother away since I had stumbled uppon this Entity Clearing Statemant
Did I really do it? Did I clear myself of all "entities"?
Suddenly I see my first real vision: Giagantic, majestic mushrooms with glorious pale stems and beautiful reddish-brown crowns in a bath of golden sunlight.
Again, this mushroom-message!? I don't enjoy them much. They give me a headache for days.
In a moment of clarity, I tell about my pain to our sweet guide Naomi. She asks me if I'm absorbing her pain of her womb and a soon as she starts telling about it I feel an immense relief....
I finally can rest a bit.
As I lay on my belly, I get a vision. I see my umbelical chord and the remaining of what was my placenta still inside me behind my navel. A voice tells me this is my emergency ration for when I step into the Autumn of my life. Go ahead, consume it.
As soon as these words are said, I feel the pressure disolve and a rush of pure energy flushing into my hips and down my legs into my feet. I never felt so strong!
On the 3rd day I drank the potions in a much more peaceful way.
No disgust, no tears.
A acidic reflux forces me to grab my bucket and to focus on purging. Nothing comes though...
The pain is excruciating and I remember myself mumbling "Enough, no more" in three languages.
This makes me so sad. I hug my bucket and lovingly put it aside.
I thank The Mother over and over again.
For her insights, her wisdom, her beauty.
It is time for a new chapter where I can explore the male spiritual energy.
The next morning I happen to be all alone in the ceremony room and as I looked uppon the clean space, I realise this center will close in 2 weeks.
This room has heard all of my deepest pains, screems and victories.
In this room I shared sorrow and joy with my partner and my children.
In this room I connected to the most diverse fantastic people.
I break down and cry on my knees.
As I calm down I look uppon the red veil on the floor.
It's fractal pattern starts to breath and becomes alive, like a calm sufrace of a lake.
She comforts me. She's still inside of me.
I look around for a last time and take my leave....
Thank you Mo, Justin and Naomi for all your help.
Thank you Sanjela, Simon, Paul, Tom, Caro, Hoodbar the Barbar and Anna for sharing my last ceremony in this centre.
Thank you Mother.
This is the end, I'm going on an adventrure!
Mo and his team will open their new centre on November, 15th.
Thank you and many many safe journeys.
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